A rowdy party with the boys from CBK. I've invented a game that is somewhat like water polo but isn't limited to the pool, uses a heavy silver puck and is much more violent. The rules are loose and team loyalty crumbles instantaneously whenever an opportunity presents itself for the individual to score a point for himself. After it's over someone else tries to take credit for creating the game and we start to argue. I retrieve the puck from the water only to realize that it's made out of glass and has embossed letters on it that have been worn down to the point of illegibility. Like the bottom of an old bottle but thicker. An artifact.
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A second cross hanging from the doorknob.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Andy Herndon, Aaron Sheppard and I are at the periphery of a group of Japanese kindergarteners sitting in the aisles of a closed grocery store in the middle of the night. Andy is crawling around on all fours, looking for something and Aaron is eating a bag of peanut M&Ms, which have the same distinct smell as always. A sense of having to stay low to the ground.
Then there is the feeling that the children are on the verge of anarchy, insurrection. They're rocking back and forth like autistics. A young woman (teacher?) walks among the group, her hands overflowing with pharmaceuticals - white pills and tabs of LSD - which the kids gobble up rapaciously.
Then I'm back at Forest Grove Elementary. Sitting in my father's lap up on the third level field, he's reading to me from Burrough's The Wild Boys. He says to me, "I'm worried that you aren't going to survive because you aren't straight." I'm worried about getting to one of the book's pornographic passages. People watching from inside the greenbelt.
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Walking on Lighthouse Avenue we pass one another but then are in a car together - she's driving. She pretends to pull over a couple times as if we've reached our destination. I'm puzzled but then we get to her house and go inside. It's trashed as usual and when we look at each other she immediately takes off her pants but then disappears. I go over to look at the pictures on the wall to see if they're the same ones as before. On the bookcase is a framed photo of an awful dysmorphic face that I once knew at Ingham. Key la. They have the same name.
I take a step back and fall onto her bed and there she is under the blankets. She's ready for me. This is a terrible idea.
Cruising out of the 17 Mile Drive gate I see him walking the same direction on the shoulder near the forest. Emaciated with ragged, wavy red hair and haunted eyes. We look at each other for a brief instant and something inexpressibly sad passes between us but I keep going at the same pace.
--------------------
I put on loud music and start to do the dishes without knowing there is a couple asleep in the same room. They're up now and I'm apologetically charming them with my wit.
--------------------
She's standing in my room wearing only a teal bra and panty set. She no longer has any tattoos but that doesn't strike me as remarkable. We are naked in bed now, kissing. I have a bright idea - let's get in my parents bed. There isn't much room with the four of us. I try and get them to leave. 'Vacation' is the word that comes to mind. This isn't going to work.
We head back to my room but she disappears on the way across the hall. When I get there the area around my bed has been walled-in with sheet rock and trim. There's even white paint over a knock-down finish. No apparent way to get in but as I walk around the enclosure a panel in the front gives way and I enter through it.
She is lying in bed on her side, cradled in her own arms - her body painted entirely white and red with heavy black accents around the eyes. She looks at me and smiles. Black magic. Orgone. I wonder if the paint is going to rub off on me or the sheets.
--------------------
Three point turn with my sister. Parking. In a grand hall. Masha floats up to me in a group of dancers and says, "what are you doing here? I have a new boyfriend!" The image of the lower half of a huge mannequin whose hips are at eye level.
--------------------
Peter J hands me a small circular corn chip. A communion wafer. I put it in my mouth and smile sideways at him in a way trying to express my amor fati.
--------------------
A family of skinny young raccoons. Huge municipal buildings.
--------------------
Showering in the lower living room. I open the door that is now walled up and a black cat runs in. I spray it with water but this just pisses it off and it runs hissing at my feet. I adjust the temperature so it's colder and spray it again. It runs outside and I slam the door.
--------------------
1984 torture scene. Stations of the cross.
--------------------
Hanging out with Rachel in PG.
Then there is the feeling that the children are on the verge of anarchy, insurrection. They're rocking back and forth like autistics. A young woman (teacher?) walks among the group, her hands overflowing with pharmaceuticals - white pills and tabs of LSD - which the kids gobble up rapaciously.
Then I'm back at Forest Grove Elementary. Sitting in my father's lap up on the third level field, he's reading to me from Burrough's The Wild Boys. He says to me, "I'm worried that you aren't going to survive because you aren't straight." I'm worried about getting to one of the book's pornographic passages. People watching from inside the greenbelt.
--------------------
Walking on Lighthouse Avenue we pass one another but then are in a car together - she's driving. She pretends to pull over a couple times as if we've reached our destination. I'm puzzled but then we get to her house and go inside. It's trashed as usual and when we look at each other she immediately takes off her pants but then disappears. I go over to look at the pictures on the wall to see if they're the same ones as before. On the bookcase is a framed photo of an awful dysmorphic face that I once knew at Ingham. Key la. They have the same name.
I take a step back and fall onto her bed and there she is under the blankets. She's ready for me. This is a terrible idea.
Cruising out of the 17 Mile Drive gate I see him walking the same direction on the shoulder near the forest. Emaciated with ragged, wavy red hair and haunted eyes. We look at each other for a brief instant and something inexpressibly sad passes between us but I keep going at the same pace.
--------------------
I put on loud music and start to do the dishes without knowing there is a couple asleep in the same room. They're up now and I'm apologetically charming them with my wit.
--------------------
She's standing in my room wearing only a teal bra and panty set. She no longer has any tattoos but that doesn't strike me as remarkable. We are naked in bed now, kissing. I have a bright idea - let's get in my parents bed. There isn't much room with the four of us. I try and get them to leave. 'Vacation' is the word that comes to mind. This isn't going to work.
We head back to my room but she disappears on the way across the hall. When I get there the area around my bed has been walled-in with sheet rock and trim. There's even white paint over a knock-down finish. No apparent way to get in but as I walk around the enclosure a panel in the front gives way and I enter through it.
She is lying in bed on her side, cradled in her own arms - her body painted entirely white and red with heavy black accents around the eyes. She looks at me and smiles. Black magic. Orgone. I wonder if the paint is going to rub off on me or the sheets.
--------------------
Three point turn with my sister. Parking. In a grand hall. Masha floats up to me in a group of dancers and says, "what are you doing here? I have a new boyfriend!" The image of the lower half of a huge mannequin whose hips are at eye level.
--------------------
Peter J hands me a small circular corn chip. A communion wafer. I put it in my mouth and smile sideways at him in a way trying to express my amor fati.
--------------------
A family of skinny young raccoons. Huge municipal buildings.
--------------------
Showering in the lower living room. I open the door that is now walled up and a black cat runs in. I spray it with water but this just pisses it off and it runs hissing at my feet. I adjust the temperature so it's colder and spray it again. It runs outside and I slam the door.
--------------------
1984 torture scene. Stations of the cross.
--------------------
Hanging out with Rachel in PG.
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